Never Too Old

Granny Here,

The last six weeks have been a learning experience like no other. Although I have lived quite a few years so far and hope to live as many more as the Lord will allow I am still learning with each passing day. One thing I have learned is that you are never to old to learn about yourself, about others and what you are capable of and what lessons life has to offer you in living and in dying.

Some things I've learned about myself were a surprise to say the least, I found that I had strength to use in a time of dire need that I didn't know was there, I found that I could stand when I had every reason to fall. I found that in my circumstance I could stand up to the challenge although difficult it was.  I found that I could be the strength for someone else when the strength they once had was slipping away as if suddenly an escape hatch had been opened and there was no way of shutting it again.

In the weeks before her death in caring for my ailing mother I found that she had a determination that was beyond my comprehension. Without knowing it we were making an exchange, she giving to me and I giving to her but in such different ways. Seeing her strength from day to day gave me what I needed for the days ahead. She never relented in her efforts, never giving in to what she knew was coming, making plans almost to the day she took her last breath. As I watched her make the last mile of her journey I knew the end was coming but didn't want to face that I was about to loose the most precious gift I had ever been given here on this earth, my Mother. I would no longer hear her voice, no longer watch her as she slowly shuffled down the hall bumping the walls as she made her way. I would no longer feel those wrinkled hands in mine as we chatted from time to time. Yes, this was a difficult lesson to learn, that we don't always get to keep our most valued possessions. We lose sometimes.

I found that in my mother's dying process that there is much that the human body can endure before saying I give up! The human spirit is the strongest possession we own, it can carry us through storms of life and even the shadows of death. She taught me these things, even in her dying moments she was teaching her child that there is more to life and that is death. She endured by doing what she knew best seeking her Lord and master in prayer, singing and conversation with Him. She confronted Him with questions, with wonderment, and with challenges. She wanted to know why, how, when and in her spirit He was giving her the answers and she accepted them although knowing mother she did it reluctantly but she accepted. What other choice did she have, this is the time that God doesn't let us make choices. That's a lesson within itself, He is in charge, remember that and she did.

I found in myself the courage to hold my dying mother and knowing within my heart there was enough love to hold her to the end if that's what it took. It wasn't the way she would have wanted it I'm sure, even in her last moments she felt as she was a burden but how could she be when she had given so much, would I not do the same, if not, she had taught me nothing. Mother's are teachers in every sense of the word, every moment we spend with our mother is a day of learning whether it be good or bad there is a lesson to be learned. I loved my teacher.

She's made her final journey, although she is absent in the flesh her spirit is alive and well, the lessons she left behind will continue to teach the next generation and the next and the next as the stories of Grandma Willie are told over and over again. Her legacy lives on in all that she left behind, recipes for chicken and dumplings, the value of saving for that rainy day, the art of using your hands for the necessities of life, the strength of offering that shoulder to cry on when we felt as if our lives had come to an end, her artistic ability to keep a beautiful home, to care for those who didn't care for her, to open her home for shelter to those who had none. Yes, she will keep teaching as long as we are willing to open her book of life and see the lessons she left behind.  Yes, mother was a teacher, is a teacher and will keep teaching as long as we are willing to learn and we never get to old for that.

Granny here, just saying!