Granny here,
I am so disappointed in myself today as in many days before. My eating today has been horendous and although I am ashamed of myself I know I will do it again. I have been trying to get back to the Weight Watcher point system but to no avail. I just can't seem to get a grip.
This battle is not new matter of fact it's about 60 years old and I'm still fighting. When does one realize that it's time to give in and just live out the remainder of your days in the body you have and quit trying to change it. The reason I try to keep fighting is that there is something far more important in this battle than my weight and that is my health which thanks to the grace of God I seem to still have. But for how long?
How long before I pay for all the wrong choices that I've made during the last 60 years? How long before they come knocking at my door screaming for payment? All choices have to be dealt with at one time or another whether they be good ones or bad and I'm sorry to say that a great deal of mine have been bad when it came to my diet.
It seems that no amount of conversations with myself brings about change and I always return to my old ways in spite of myself. No amount of preaching, scolding, compromising or any other therapy seems to bring about change. What is my problem? Why do I never win in this fight? There is a reason somewhere. A reason I don't want to acknowledge, recognize or admit. It's out there somewhere stalking my ability to win in this battle.
I refuse to give up, I will keep trying over and over again until one day it will all be over. Not the battle but the life that had the battle. It will all be over and then and only then will I realize that it was a futile wasted source of my energy that could have been used for a far more important effort in life.
But we humans are like that, we fight battles that have no winning, we expend energy that could have been used for a far more important effort but it's not until the end that we come to our senses and then it's too late. Too late for us, to late for those that we could have helped with that wasted energy.
How does one make the right decisions, the right choices so that when the day comes for that long awaited inventory of your life that you can look back with pride and say I did make some right choices. I did accomplish something worthy of the energy that I used to get the job done. I did make some choices that concerned others more than myself.
Disappointments come and go. Some we can change and some it seems just keep popping up their ugly heads like a bad apple in an apple bobbing contest. Well, life is too short no matter how long we live and we can't expend our energies regretting our decisions but we can use them as stepping stones to do better with what time we have left.
I know these are just words and I hope that I will take them seriously and make better choices in the future but I also know that they are my words and I have repeated them countless times before but one can dream can't they?
Granny here, just saying!
